


Patronus'

by pottersbutt



Series: I Fall Apart [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (badly written) kissing kjdkg, Drarry, F/M, Inside jokes, M/M, Nightmares, PTSD-maybe?, Sleeping Potions, Uhm, and thats it, dreams about his parents :(, i think, idk - Freeform, m/m - Freeform, patronus stuff, romione
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-04 01:42:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14582163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pottersbutt/pseuds/pottersbutt
Summary: It's 8th year. The war is over.And Harry helps Draco with his Patronus.He finds out something disturbing along the way.





	Patronus'

**Author's Note:**

> So, a lot of thought went into this, I'm super happy with it.
> 
> I came up with the idea while I was procrastinating my English Homework.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Harder,” Harry whispered. “You need to try harder.”

The blond nodded, not saying anything. After the war, all students in Harry’s year were required to come back in the September of 1998 to complete their final year of Hogwarts. Harry was put into a dorm with Malfoy, Terry Boot and Zacharias Smith. It wasn’t so bad, everyone kept to themselves mostly, and no one ever spoke to each other, only when it was something to do with homework.

 Harry had taken it upon himself to approach Malfoy and ask if he wanted if he wanted help to produce a Patronus after he heard him, Parkinson and Zabini talking about it in the 8th Year Common Room.

He started helping him two weeks previously, and to his surprise, Malfoy was doing extremely well. He hadn’t produced a corporal Patronus yet, but there were wisps coming out the end of his wand.

“You need to think of a happy memory. I know it’s been hard with everything going on, but please try,” Harry said, fixing Malfoy’s stance. “How about… when you dressed up as a dementor to scare me in third year?”

Malfoy’s cheek twitched and he took a deep breath. “ _Expecto Patronum!_ ”

A small, but fuzzy animal, that wasn’t fully formed to be identified, exploded from the end of Malfoy’s wand. Harry tilted his head back and yelled in delight.

“YES!” Harry took him by the shoulders and shook him thoroughly. “YOU – DID – IT!”

Malfoy smiled gently, his hair falling into his eyes. “It wasn’t fully formed yet, though.”

“It looked like a ferret,” Harry said smugly. Malfoy pushed him lightly. “I’m joking, it looked like a bird. I think. If we come here again tomorrow, hopefully, you’ll be able to produce it properly and we’ll figure out what the animal is.”

Malfoy nodded and they walked up to the castle in silence.

“What memory are you gonna think about for tomorrow?” Harry asked, just to break the uncomfortable silence.

“I’m not sure, I don’t really have any good memories,” Malfoy breathed out. “All my good memories include you.”

Harry felt his cheeks colouring. “Really?” He asked hoarsely. “Not all of them, surely. You must have some good ones with Pansy and Blaise.”

“Yeah, the good ones were when we took the piss out of each other,” Malfoy wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Wow. I alway’s knew you loved me!” Harry declared, earning a punch in the shoulder. Harry ran ahead of Malfoy and jokingly blew him a kiss.

*****

Harry went to bed that night, surprisingly happy. He watched the blurry outline of Malfoy to his right, taking even breaths, tried to breathe in time and almost had a coughing fit. He gave up and stared up at the ceiling and fell asleep.

_“Psst!” Someone called. “Harry! Wake up! I’ve got something really important to show you!”_

_Harry sat up groggily, grasping for his glasses. The person who had spoken before thrust them into his hands. As everything became clear again, the person who woke Harry up was… his dad?_

_“Dad?” Harry gasped, eyes welling up. He attempted to reach out and touch him, but his hand just passed through him. “Dad is that you?”_

_“Yes, it is, Harry!” His father grinned down at him, pulling into a hug that felt almost real. Harry sobbed into his shoulder, grasping the air. “Come on, son, the others are waiting for you!”_

_“Others? Is it a full moon?” James scoffed._

_“No no no. Basically, Sirius, Remus, Peter and I have been sneaking out and turning into our animagi, except Remus, he uses my invisibility cloak. We’ve been going into the forest as our animagi. But every time we go in there, there’s this small red Robin that follows us! Every night. It’s quite weird. We think it’s someone in our year, but we don’t know who,” James inhaled. “We’re gonna find out tonight. C’mon, Harry, I want you to see who it is, too.”_

_Harry scrambled out of the bed and followed his father down the stairs to the common room. It looked exactly the same. Sirius and Remus were standing by the portrait, looking excited. Wormtail was sitting by the fire, smiling tightly._

_“James, come on, otherwise we’re gonna miss it!”_

_Sirius caught Harry by the sleeve and walked with him as the five of them exited the Gryffindor Common Room._

_“I think I know who it is, Harry,” Sirius murmured in Harry’s ear. “I think its Evans. Last night, when we went out, I saw her sitting on the stairs, watching us.”_

_“My mum’s an animagus?” Harry asked._

_“Well, that’s what I think, I don’t know whether it’s true or not.”_

_“What’s true or not, Padfoot?” Remus whispered from where he was walking with James._

_“I think Evans is the Robin,” Sirius said back._

_“Why?”_

_“I saw her the other night at the stairs of the girls’ dormitory,” Sirius answered._

_“Well, we best get to the forest before she does so we can see.”_

*****

_The four Marauder’s, plus Harry tiptoed out the castle and then ran down to Hagrid’s Hut, which was still on the edge of the forest._

_“Harry, you’ll be under the cloak with Moony, Okay?” Harry nodded and sidled next to Remus under the invisibility cloak. Sirius scrunched up his eyes and not even ten seconds later, a black dog sat there, yipping. “Sirius, shut up. You’ll draw attention to us.”_

_The dog cast a look at James, who was now a stag. Wormtail had disappeared and Harry guessed he turned into a rat. James moved his head all everyone followed._

_They didn’t go that far in, but, sure enough, they saw, next to Hagrid’s Hut, Harry’s mother peering into the forest. James turned back into a human, looking positively ecstatic._

_“No one move or do anything, I want to see this happen.”_

_Harry watched his mother carefully, she made the same expression Sirius did and a second later, a small Robin was in her place, fluttering and chirping. Harry looked to his, dad, who was a stag again, and back to his mother. His heart leaped, he had finally met his parents. Even if it was a dream, he had met them._

_“Stay quiet, Harry,” Remus whispered in his ear, and Harry jumped, having forgetting his presence. “James is going to turn back in a minute.”_

_The robin that was his mother chirped happily as she zoomed away from dog- Sirius. She landed on one of James’ antlers. His dad turned back into a human, jumped up and caught Lily. Sirius and Wormtail changed back too. Sirius pumped the air._

_“I knew it was her! Remus, Harry look!” Sirius slapped a hand across his mouth, eyes bulging. “Woops.”_

_The bird pulled itself free from James’ grasp, landed and changed back into her human form, scowling. “Harry? Who’s Harry?”_

_James glared at Sirius. “Our son.”_

_“Our? As in, mine and Potter’s child? Oh my God, no. I wouldn’t have a child with that,” Lily spat, sneering. Harry thought she must have picked that up from Snape._

_Hands shaking, Harry stepped out from the cloak and went to stand next to his father._

_“See, Evans? He looks just like James,” Sirius whispered softly. “But he has your eyes.”_

_“No,” She whispered, trying to move back, but instead she moved forewords. She reached out and touched Harry’s face. Harry leaned into her touch, eyes watering._

_“Mum,” Harry said, voice breaking._

_“What’s his name?” She asked James, who hurriedly wiped his eyes._

_“Oh, um, Harry.”_

_“Harry… I always liked that name.” She said, holding Harry at arm’s length, looking him over._

_“I’ve always liked you,” James blurted out. Lily looked up at James, smiling slightly._

_“I know.”_

Someone shook Harry awake. As he expected, his eyes were wet.  He looked up to Malfoy…?

“Malfoy?”

“You were crying,” Harry quickly wiped his eyes, not meeting Malfoy’s.

“It was nothing, just a bad dream,” He said, sniffing.

“What was it?” Malfoy asked softly, sitting on the side of his bed.

“My parents. I had a dream about my parents,” Malfoy inhaled sharply.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

*****

Harry skipped breakfast and went straight to the Lake. He sat on a boulder nearest the water and stared out into the distance.  His mum had been an animagus! He sat there, rethinking what had happened during his dream.

“Ahh, Ron, leave him, he’s brooding,” A voice said from behind him, sounding amused. Harry turned to find Ron and Hermione, hand in hand, smiling at him.

“I am not brooding! I was thinking about my mum and dad,” Ron and Hermione stopped smiling and sat either side of him. “I had a dream… last night. About them.”

“Harry, what happened?” Hermione asked gently.

“Well, I think they were in their seventh year here. My dad, Sirius, Remus and Wormtail were going out into the forest as their animagi. But every night there was this robin following them. My dad woke me up and all five of us went into the forest. It was my mum. The robin was my mum. She was an animagus.”

“Harry…”

“I need to be alone right now, please.”

*****

Six o’clock came around and Harry found himself rather excited to see what Malfoy’s Patronus was. He walked to the lake to a small patch of secluded grass, surrounded by trees. Malfoy was already there, leaning against a tree, nervously mumbling the spell, watching white wisps escape from the end of his wand.

Harry cleared his throat and Malfoy looked up and smiled nervously.

“You ready?” Malfoy nodded. “What’s your memory?”

Malfoy smirked. “Don’t you worry.”

Harry swallowed. “Okay, whenever you’re ready.”

Malfoy caught Harry’s eyes and said it. “Expecto Patronum!”

Harry, too busy staring back at Malfoy, did not notice the bird escape from his wand.

“Did you do it?” Harry asked, coming back to reality.

“I – I think so,” Malfoy said. “Let me try again.”

“Expecto Patronum!” Harry watched the end of Malfoy’s wand when a small bird spurted out of Malfoy’s wand. Harry’s jaw dropped. The robin chirped and zoomed happily around Harry.

“Mum…” He whispered. The Patronus evaporated when Harry reached up to touch it.

“I DID IT!” Malfoy yelled, dancing around Harry. “I FUCKING DID IT! I – AM – AMAZING!”             

Harry smiled weakly at Malfoy, who stopped dancing. “What’s wrong? Was it something I did?”

“No it was beautiful. You did it perfectly,” Harry shook his head, wanting to bury his face in his hands for eternity. Malfoy was still looking at him uncertainly. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me. You did it! You are amazing!”

Malfoy inclined his head and Harry thought he resembled a puppy. Harry thought he looked rather cute. “Is it the dream you had about your parents?” He asked softly. Harry wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“N – n – o,” Harry managed to get out before he broke down. “I had t – this dream tha – that I was with my d – dad and him, Sirius and Pet – Pettigrew turned into their animagus forms. B – but they didn’t – they didn’t know that my mum was one too. She – she was an animagus as well.”

Malfoy nodded. “What was her animagus form?”

Harry’s head snapped up, he made no bother to wipe his eyes. “Your Patronus…”

Malfoy made a little “Oh!” noise.

“Yeah…”

Harry gaze shifted from the trees shuffling slightly in the wind, to Malfoy’s face, frowning and full of concern. He moved forward slightly, fingers brushing Harry’s wrist.

“At least you know more thing’s about your parent’s now, right?”

Harry nodded jerkily. He rarely thought about his parents, it was too painful to. He remembered in fourth year when Alastor Moody showed them Avada Kedavra. He remembered how it just dropped, had the life sucked out of it. Thinking, that happened to my parents. Harry let out a sobbing breath and groaned, tilting his head back, looking up at the gradually darkening sky.

*****

_“My beautiful boy,” She whispered, a tear escaping her bright green eyes. “Mama loves you, Daddy loves you. Don’t forget it.”_

_She rocked the baby backwards and forwards. “We love you, we love you, we love you.”_

_A yell was heard somewhere beneath them and the woman let out a tearless sob and clutched the baby closer, cradling his head to her breast. “He’s gone. Dada loves you, Harry, don’t forget.”_

_A cold, humourless laugh echoed up the stairs as the intruder ascended._

_“He’s coming closer, Harry. We’re not going to have very long together. Everyone’s going to know your name. Everyone.”_

_A floorboard creaked and the woman held the baby close, burying her nose in his hair, before placing him in his cot gently, watching him for a few seconds. The door flung open and a man with grey skin and blood red eyes stood there, head tilted._

_“Please… please have mercy,” she begged, tears falling down her face as she stared into his eyes. He didn’t acknowledge her, merely looked at the infant behind her._

_The man raised his wand, indicating for her to move out of the way. The woman let out a scream, looking from her child to the intruder._

_“Not Harry! Not Harry! Please – I’ll do anything – “_

_“Stand aside – stand aside, girl – “_

_There was screaming, then an anguished yell. Then finally, silence, apart from the small baby boy sniffing in his cot._

_The baby sat in his cot for minutes, maybe hours, before a man with long black hair came and picked him up, face wet with tears._

_“Shhh, Harry, it's oka – “_

Harry was shaken awake. He gasped for air, grasping at his sheets. He blinked several times before being handed his glasses.

“Deep breaths, Harry, its okay,” Squeezing his eyes shut, and momentarily not caring, he wrapped his arms around the person. Thankfully, they hugged him back.

Harry pulled back after what felt like forever. Eyes still blurred with tears, he managed to figure out that the lovely person was – of course – Hermione. She held him at arm’s length, looking him over.

“Malfoy came to get me, apparently you were screaming in your sleep,” Harry looked over at him, but Malfoy wouldn’t meet his eyes. “You were thrashing around when I came in. I’ve been trying to wake you for nearly twenty minutes.”

Harry gulped.

“Harry,” Hermione lowered her voice. “I think you should go to Madam Pomfrey, maybe get some sleeping potions.”

Harry, a bit delirious, nodded, looking out the window at the still wrecked Quidditch Pitch.

“Yeah, I’ll go after breakfast, what time is it?”

“Harry, it’s ten to midnight,” Harry frowned. “What time did you come to bed?”

Harry glanced to Malfoy again. “I went out at six to do something, came back at seven… I would say – er – nine?”

“He was with me,” Malfoy’s voice came as a surprise; he hardly ever spoke in the presence of others. “He’s been – er – helping me with something. We meet after lessons.”

Harry blinked. Hermione inhaled sharply. And Ron looked like he was going to vomit.

“I’ll take you, Harry.”

*****

Madam Pomfrey fussed over Harry, muttering that he should have come sooner if he was having nightmares. Harry sat on the edge of a bed, curtains surrounding him and Hermione.  She came and sat next to him, brushing his hair out of his face, and dabbed a damp cloth to his forehead.

“Harry, why didn’t you tell us you were having nightmares?” Harry stared at a crack on the floor, which seemed to get bigger and bigger and Harry felt like he was falling in… unable to breathe, unable to see. Falling into a never-ending pit... His breath hitched, but he couldn’t cough. He couldn’t breathe. Was he dying? “Harry? Harry! HARRY!” Hermione’s voice got hysterical and she started to let out yells for help, watching Harry behind her fingers.

Harry let himself be pushed down onto the bed, still gasping for breath.

“Harry, please, you’re going to be okay, please.”

“Miss Granger, I think it’s best for Potter to stay the night,” Madam Pomfrey said.

“But Harry…”

“Mister Potter is in safe hands, Miss Granger. Go and get some sleep. I’ll give him a sleeping potion. Please.”

*****

When Harry woke up, the sun was streaming in through the window, blinding him. Squinting, he reached over and picked his glasses off of the small table next to him.  

There was rustling behind the closed curtains and a few seconds later Madam Pomfrey bustled through, holding vials of awful looking liquids.

“Ah, you’re awake, good. You gave us quite the fright last night,” Harry frowned. He didn’t remember anything from last night. How did he even end up in here? Pomfrey moved forward. “Drink this.”

Harry hesitated. “For Merlin’s sake, boy, its draught of peace.”

“Oh,” Harry plucked the vial out of her hand and gulped it down. “Can I go now?”

“No. As I’m sure you’re aware, we are regularly having students put in here because of nightmares. But what happened last night –“ She shuddered. “ – I’m going to request you be put on sleeping draught. This is nearly the tenth time you’ve been admitted in here this year. I’ll write to St Mungo’s. I suspect the vials will be here by tonight or tomorrow.”

Harry nodded, not arguing. It would be nice to have some dreamless sleep, after everything that happened…

“Get changed and drink the rest of the potions, then you can go to breakfast, it’s only six thirty.”

*****

“What happened? What did Pomfrey say?” Hermione asked anxiously, her eyes darting about Harry’s face.

“She’s sending an owl to St Mungo’s. She wants to prescribe me to sleeping draught. I’m not really complaining it’ll be nice not to have nightmares about everything, reliving it.” Ron and Hermione nodded simultaneously.

“I know this isn’t really the right moment, but what are you helping Malfoy with?” Ron looked slightly uncomfortable asking the question. “He mentioned it last night before we took you to the Hospital wing.”

“Oh,” Harry said glumly. “He won’t need my help anymore.”

Ron raised an eyebrow. Hermione narrowed her eyes.

“I may or may not have helped him to produce a Patronus.”

“Harry!”

“Don’t blame him! I heard him talking about it to Zabini and Parkinson, I took it upon myself to teach him and help him.” Hermione drew an indignant breath, but Harry cut her off. “After two weeks he’s already produced a corporal one.”

Harry looked at his two best friends, both of whom looked extremely surprised. “But he’s a death eater!” Hermione exclaimed, twisting in her seat to look at Malfoy on the opposite side of the Hall, who was staring at the ceiling.

“Was. And so was Snape, he could produce a Patronus.” Harry smirked at the pair, knowing they couldn’t say anything to him.

“Harry?” Ron asked quietly. “Do you think, over Christmas, you can come over –?”

“Yeah, ‘course.”

“– and help George with his?”

Harry’s spoon clattered into his cereal. He looked at Ron, who seemed a bit teary-eyed, scared and a little bit hopeful.

“Yeah, definitely, anything to help…” Hermione clasped his hand and smiled and Ron’s eyes shone with unshed tears.

 *****                                                                                           

“You taking care of my mum, Malfoy?” Harry called as he entered Potions. Slughorn audibly gasped and turned around. Ron snorted. “N – No sir, my mum’s still dead. It’s a running joke with Malfoy and me!” Harry chirped cheerfully. “You needn’t worry!”

The class let out a yelp of laughter. Harry glanced at Malfoy, who was talking to Parkinson in low tones, smiling as he did so. Harry’s heart did a weird clenchy thing that he didn’t like.

“Harry, m’boy! Were you listening?”

“Uh, no, sir, sorry, I was daydreaming. What was it you wanted me to do?”

Slughorn chuckled heartily. “You’re partners with Draco, here. You’re brewing Draught of living death.”

“But, sir, we brewed that in sixth year.”

“Yes, but due to – ah – circumstances, we must re-do it,” Harry opened his mouth. “Headmistresses orders, Harry.”

Harry grumbled under his breath and moved to the other side of the room to Malfoy, who was moving his things to the other side of the desk.

*****

“I swear to God, if you brew this wrong,” Malfoy muttered to Harry as Harry poured the Sopophorous bean’s juice in. Harry stuck his wand in the mixture and stirred clockwise. “No! It’s _anti-clockwise_ , you cretin!”

Harry hurriedly changed the direction of his stirring. “Sorry, I’m shit at potions.”

“Its fine, just – “ Malfoy glanced at the book. “ – stir seven times. Then you have to – “

“No! I remember something from sixth year! I had this book and it showed me the correct instructions! You stir anti-clockwise seven times then clockwise once.” Harry looked up at Malfoy, whose face was screwed up in confusion.

“Who said that?”

“It was Snape’s old book. It had all the correct instructions. That’s why I was so good at Potions in sixth year.” Malfoy stared at Harry momentarily then let out a burst of laughter. “What? It’s true! Ask Ron! Or Hermione!”

Harry finished stirring the potion. He stirred it once clockwise and stared at Malfoy triumphantly. “Professor Slughorn! Malfoy and I are finished! Can you come and check it, please?”

Slughorn came lumbering over, peering at the pair over his spectacles. Finally breaking his gaze from the boys, he looked down into the cauldron. “Oho! Looky what we have here!”He plucked a leaf out of his pocket, and dropped it into the potion, repeating what he had done two years previously. “This is perfect, boys!”

Harry turned to Malfoy and tapped his nose.

*****

Harry was falling asleep in Professor Binns’ class when a sweaty looking first year ran into the room.

“Professor, Harry – Harry Potter is needed with – “ He gasped for breath. “ – Madam Pomfrey.”

The ghost didn’t turn to the boy; he continued to talk about whatever he was talking about.  Harry got up from his seat and packed up his stuff, well aware of all eyes on him. He followed the first year out of the room.

“Did Pomfrey say why she wanted me?” The boy looked mildly surprised by being addressed to Harry and jumped.

“N – no. She said something about St Mungo’s, though,” He managed to stammer out.

“Okay, thanks…” Harry trailed off, waiting for the boy to introduce himself.

“Fred! But my full name is Frederick!”

Harry gulped. “Thanks, F – Fred.”

“It’s really nice here. It’s hard to think not even a year ago, there was a war here,” He looked up to Harry, who was only half listening. “I know you knew someone who died. You knew many people who died, didn’t you? There was this one person, wasn’t there? He had a twin? What was his name?”

“Fred Weasley.”

“Oh. I heard very nice things about him, though. I went to their Joke Shop a couple of years ago. I think I met him, but I’m not sure. They were identical weren’t they?”

“Yeah, they were. I went to their joke shop, too. It was very nice. They’re very clever men.” Fred nodded earnestly.

“I want to go again, but it isn’t open.”

“It’s not gonna be open for a while, Freddy.”

Fred opened the door to the infirmary and let Harry in. “Bye, Harry!”

Harry walked up to Pomfrey’s office and knocked. “Come in!”

Harry twisted the doorknob and was greeted by Madam Pomfrey and a man he didn’t know.

“Potter, this is Erik Silvine. He’s a healer from St Mungo’s. He’s here to prescribe your dosage of sleeping potions. Please, have a seat.”

Harry cast the healer an uncertain look before taking a seat next to him. “Okay, I’m listening.”

“So, you’re not going to get your potions tonight. What Madam Pomfrey and I have discussed is you sleep in here tonight. So we can monitor your movements and your speech, to determine how strong your dosage should be before you go to sleep.”

“Okay… So I’m not sleeping in my dorm tonight? Am I allowed to tell my friends what’s happening?” Harry asked.

“Yes, you can, but we are more focused on you at the moment, Mr Potter. Because of your history throughout Hogwarts, and given what has happened in the last year, you seem to have the worst case of PTSD we have seen so far.” Harry frowned.

“What’s PTSD?”

“PTSD stands for Post – Traumatic – Stress – Disorder. A condition of persistent mental and emotional stress occurring as a result of injury or severe psychological shock, typically involving disturbance of sleep and constant vivid recall of the experience, with dulled response to others and to the outside world. After the war, there have been many cases of this, but yours is, by far, the worst. Madam Pomfrey was telling me what happened last night. You had two episodes,” Silvine sighed. “At eleven twenty-five, you were having a nightmare and started thrashing around and screaming, according to your roommate, Mr Malfoy. It took nearly twenty minutes for your friend to wake you up.”

“Yes, but – “

“Then, _again_ , here, not even ten minutes later. You were sitting on a bed. You zoned out and started choking and yelling,” Silvine glanced at Harry again before talking again. “I know these nightmares are hard. But tonight, I’m going to be staying here. I’ll be monitoring you while you sleep, watching your movements. All of your actions and how you react when you wake will determine the strength of your potions.”

“I don’t know how I feel about you watching me while I sleep. It’s creepy,” Harry honestly didn’t mind being prescribed potions. He had had enough nightmares for a lifetime.

“We’ll wait until you’re asleep, and then I’ll come out, and just sit by your bed.”

“Okay. What time do I come down here?”

This time, Pomfrey spoke up. “I’d say, around eight o’clock. Eight thirty the latest.”

*****

“I’m going to the Hospital Wing tonight,” Harry muttered to Ron and Hermione at dinner.

“Why? What happened?”

“Apparently I have PTSD. They want to put me on sleeping potions. But they have to monitor me to see how strong the dosage is.” Harry looked from Ron to Hermione; both of them were nodding knowingly.

“I can see why” Hermione said.

“There’s gonna be someone watching me while I sleep, Hermione!” Ron snorted and Harry sent him a scowl.

“Well, that is the only way they can see how bad it actually is…” Hermione trailed off. Harry stood up. “Where’re you going?”

“Never you mind,” Harry walked out of the Great Hall, glancing to the Slytherin Table, nodding at Malfoy.

*****

Harry walked to their usual meeting place. It looked the same but had the lingering memory of the robin zooming in out of the trees.

“ _Expecto Patronum!_ ” The all too familiar stag exploded from the end of Harry’s wand and galloped around him. Harry watched it stand still and turn its head to the left, it seemed as if it was staring at something. Or Someone.

Malfoy emerged from the bushes and stared at the stag. “Hello, Mr Potter.”

“You’re an absolute nutter,” Harry said, grinning.

“I’m merely introducing myself to my friends’ dad,” Malfoy countered.

“I didn’t know we were friends. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have made bracelets!” Malfoy’s face coloured.

“Sorry. I just – I just thought that bec – “

“No, _Draco_ , we _are_ friends. Don’t worry.” Harry patted his head.

“What did you want to tell me?”

“Well, seeing as we’re _friends_ now, I was going to tell you that I’m going on sleeping potions, so I won’t wake you, Smith, and Boot up with my screaming anymore.” Harry looked to his feet.

“Okay. At least you’ll be okay…”

Harry squeezed his eyes shut and thought about the first time Malfoy produced his Patronus.

_Malfoy’s cheek twitched and he took a deep breath, “Expecto Patronum!”_

_A small, but fuzzy animal, that wasn’t fully formed to be identified, exploded from the end of Malfoy’s wand. Harry tilted his head back and yelled in delight._

_“YES!” Harry took him by the shoulders and shook him thoroughly. “YOU – DID – IT!”_

_Malfoy smiled gently, his hair falling into his eyes. “It wasn’t fully formed yet, though.”_

_“It looked like a ferret,” Harry said smugly. Malfoy pushed him lightly. “I’m joking, it looked like a bird. I think. If we come here again tomorrow, hopeful,ly you’ll be able to produce it properly and we’ll figure out what the animal is.”_

_Malfoy nodded and they walked up to the castle in silence._

_“What memory are you gonna think about for tomorrow?” Harry asked, just to break the uncomfortable silence._

_“I’m not sure, I don’t really have any good memories,” Malfoy breathed out. “All my good memories include you.”_

_Harry felt his cheeks colouring. “Really?” He asked hoarsely. “Not all of them, surely. You must have some good ones with Pansy and Blaise.”_

_“Yeah, the good ones were when we took the piss out of each other,” Malfoy wouldn’t meet his eyes._

_“Wow. I alway’s knew you loved me!” Harry declared, earning a punch in the shoulder. Harry ran ahead of Malfoy and jokingly blew him a kiss._

“What are you thinking about?”

“The day before your Patronus was fully formed.”

Malfoy took a step closer. “You blew me a kiss that day, do you remember?”

Harry cocked his head, grinning. “I do.”

“See? My good memories are always with you.” Malfoy murmured, moving closer still. “You’re a walking mine of good memories.”

“Uh-huh,” Harry leaned up, so their lips were almost touching. “You have your fair shares of good memories. You made a pretty cute ferret.”

“Shut up, Scarhead.”

Malfoy bent down a little more and kissed Harry. Harry let his feelings wash over him; they were clouding his mind and warming his cheeks. Malfoy dug his fingers into Harry’s hair, tilting his head back to gain better access to Harry’s mouth. Harry let him do what he wanted, unashamedly enjoying the feel of his tongue being wrapped around the other boys.

Harry pulled away for a second, staring breathlessly at the Slytherin. Malfoy smiled at him. Harry leaned back in again, their mouths crashing together again. Malfoy’s hand lowered from Harry’s hair and one rested on his shoulders, running the other down Harry’s chest.

This time, Malfoy drew back, panting, his eyes darting about Harry’s face.

“There’s another one of those good memories to put in that walking mine,”  Harry whispered.

“Mhm, that was a pleasant enough memory to be stored in there, don’t you think?” Malfoy brought his hand up to his hair and dragged it through Harry’s hair. “I didn’t realise how soft it was. It always looked so tangled.”

Harry snorted. “I didn’t realise how good a kisser you were, if I found out earlier, I would have kissed you sooner.”

“Well, it was _me_ that instigated the kiss. So…”

“Do you want me to initiate this time? Or I could go straight to the hospital wing.” Harry moved past Malfoy.

“What – no! Stay here! Potter! Don’t leave me I swear to – Harry!”  
Harry stopped dead at the sound of his first name coming out of Malfoy’s mouth.

“Did I hear that correctly?”

“Yes, you did, _Harry_ ,” Malfoy grinned. “I would appreciate me if you called me Draco, seeing as we kissed.”

“Cool,” Harry shrugged.

*****

Harry strutted into the Hospital wing, happy. He nodded to several patients, two of them vomited out of happiness. Harry ignored the disgust flaring in his stomach and flung the door to Pomfrey’s office open.

“I’m here!”

Pomfrey sent his filthy look and ushered him back out into the ward. She led him to a bed furthest from the door and closest to the corner. “Silvine is coming back in an hour, get comfortable and tired. I’m coming to check on you in forty-five minutes. If you’re not asleep…”

Harry nodded. Pomfrey left him alone and closed the curtains with a flick of her wrist. Harry let him pyjamas tumble out of his arms and onto the bed. He got changed and sank onto the bed, surprisingly tired.

_“It’s all your fault, you know,” A short stocky man was in front of Harry. His hair was bright ginger, almost blinding. “It’s your fault I died. You could have been in my place when the explosion went off. You could have died and saved everyone. But no. You had to be the hero and have everyone around you die as well.”_

_He circled Harry but turned into another person. It was a woman, she had bright pink hair._

_“I didn’t get live even a month with my son. I had to come here and fight. I didn’t want to, you know. I was forced to. ‘Because I was part of the Order’. Remus and I died for you. **Everyone died for you**. Including your parents.”_

_Where the woman stood seconds before, there stood a man. A man with cold grey skin and unforgiving red eyes._

_“We are more alike than you would like to admit, Harry Potter. We have had similar lives. We were brought up the same. Both orphans, both wanting revenge on the ones who did us wrong. Both extremely powerful wizards.”_

_Harry tried shouting, but it felt as if his mouth was glued shut. The man merely laughed at Harry and dissolved. In his place, there stood a man and a woman._

_“We died for you, Harry. We sacrificed our lives. We didn’t have to do that, did we? We could have let you die… We could have killed Voldemort after you died. We could have had an unproblematic life. Or, even better, Alice and Frank could have died,” The man laughed. “We could have lived and we would have been a happy family. But you ruined it. **Like you ruin everything else**.”_

_Harry screamed, but it came out muffled. He tried thrashing, but he couldn’t._

_“You’re fault,” The voice said._

_“Its all your fault.”_

_“I’m dead, that’s your fault.”_

_“You fault, your fault, your fault.”_

_“We all died for you, Harry. So our deaths are your fault.”_

_The voices surrounded Harry, chanting and cackling. Harry choked. Harry choked and gasped. He could not breathe. The voices were killing him. It was his fault, **after all**._

_“I told you it was bad.”_

_“I thought he was going to die.”_

_“Ah, well, he did go through the worst of it, didn’t he?”_

_“I’m going to wake him now.”_

Harry felt his cheek being patted gently and his eyes shot open.

“It’s my fault!” He rasped. “It’s my fault they died.”

He looked to Silvine, who was staring back at him. Silvine glanced to Pomfrey. “I think it’d better be an eight.”

“But the strongest is ten! He could potentially go into a coma! He’s only eighteen!”

“We can’t take any risks. He’s the worst patient I’ve seen. From what I can see, from the dreams, _something_ is making his choke and unable to breathe. If the dreams continue he _could_ die. He should take a strong potion; it would make him sleep for seven to eight hours. Without dreams.”

“I want the potion. I can’t take it anymore. I need them to stop. I _want_ the potion.” Both adults looked at him, then back to each other.

“He _is_ of age. It’s technically his choice,” Silvine said.

*****

Harry lay on his back on the clearing, staring at the stars.

“That’s the Draco constellation, you know. It never sets. It’s there every day,” Harry turned to his left and Draco was standing there, holding two bottles. “I brought butterbeer. I thought you needed cheering up. Granger told me what happened.”

Harry sat up and leaned on the rock next to him. “I’m a mess.”

“No, you’re not. You’re suffering like the rest of us. You’re struggling to come to terms with everything that’s happened. Everyone is. You aren’t alone.”

“Draco…”

“Please, Harry, talk to me. I thought we were… friends.” Draco tugged on Harry’s wrist.

“They’re just nightmares. There isn’t anything special about them.” Harry stared at the trees.

“You’re not talking to Ron and Hermione. _You don’t talk to anyone._ I’m worried about you.”

“What are you? My boyfriend?” Harry looked at Draco incredulously.

“I wouldn’t mind being it,” Draco muttered.

“ _What?_ ”

“I want to be your boyfriend. I’m… fond… of you. You’ve made me happy these last weeks and I seemed to have developed feelings…” Draco trailed off, fiddling with his fingers.

“Oh.”

Harry stood up and started pacing.

“Well, the thing is, Draco, I’m fond of you too, but I don’t know how to express my feelings and because Hermione and Ron have been so happy with each other lately I had no one to talk to. So I heard you talking to Parkinson about your Patronus, I thought _why the fuck not? It would be interesting._ And it _has_ been interesting. I’ve found out that my mum was an animagus. She was a robin. _Your_ Patronus is a robin as well. What does that mean? Because of the past things Sirius used to tell me was that my mum was absolutely smitten with my dad. Does that mean you’re absolutely smitten with me? Does that mean we’re going to get married and get killed? It makes no sense.”

Draco stared at Harry dumbfounded, before bursting into laughter and rolling around the clearing.

“What?”

“Me? Absolutely smitten with you? Hilarious,” Harry cocked an eyebrow.

“You just said you’re fond of me!”

Draco opened his mouth to argue but promptly shut it again. “Does your question still stand, though?”

“It does.”

“Yes.”

“I bet I could produce my best Patronus yet,” Draco said. “ _Expecto Patronum!_ ”

A shining robin chirped and fluttered above Harry and Draco.

“Do yours, Harry.”

“ _Expecto Patronum!_ ”

The silver stag erupted from Harry’s wand and galloped off with the robin perched on its antlers.

**Author's Note:**

> this is the longest fic ive ever written and im so happy with it! it came out as i wanted it! i took some detours but they all worked really well!


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